


Rose Petals on Snow

by LionizeMe



Category: Glee
Genre: Blood, Cutting, F/F, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:42:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 777
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LionizeMe/pseuds/LionizeMe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What if Rachel wasn't as strong as everyone thought she was? What of her mask was shattered? May be triggering.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Rose Petals on Snow

**Rachel's POV**

 

Here I am once again; dragging a blade across my wrist.

How did I get here?

I was destined for Broadway. I ignored the insults and the slushies that were constantly thrown at me. I thought one day I will be out of this hick town and they'll all regret there're cruelties towards me. I put on my show face and refused to let anyone see me cry.

But I guess the mask started to crack.

I fell apart with every insult, and taunt. Singing became useless as a stress reliever. So I found a new way to cope.

Cutting

I'm not sure how this got so out of control. At first it was just something I heard about and thought I would try but now, now it's all I think about it. I still remember that first cut all those months ago, it had hurt and I didn't like it but there was something about watching the blood bubble up and flow that had mesmerized me. I thought it might help as long as I kept to small amount. That quickly got out of hand as the cuts got deeper, but of course no one has noticed because no one cares. They all hate me.

I push the blade deeper into my arm and soon have six bleeding gashes. The blood starts flowing down my arm, but it's not strong enough to give me the high that I crave.

I think about my dads. They started going on really long business trips when I was thirteen and one day they just didn't come back. I got a text from them saying that they had filled a bank account for me and would put more money in it every few weeks. The house was paid off and they said that they were sorry but they just didn't want a kid anymore. I never replied. That was three years ago and I've since gotten used to coming home every day to a cold and empty house.

8 cuts

Then I found Shelby and thought, maybe I can have a family again. But she didn't want me, and replaced me with Quinn's baby.

11 cuts

Quinn.

Ironic isn't it, that I should fall for my biggest tormentor. I think it was glee club where the feelings manifested. It's where I would get to see a softer side to her, even a few glimpses of a smile thrown in my direction before being quickly hidden. I guess in a perfect world we could be friends. Never lovers though, because even in a perfect world the pretty catholic girl doesn't fall for the big-nosed, Jewish freak.

13 cuts

The blood is dripping onto the floor now.

Still not enough.

The glee club was supposed to be my family, but they constantly put me down and told me how much better they would be without me. Mr. Schue never did anything to stop them. He didn't care either. I stopped showing up about a month ago. No one noticed.

15 cuts

My arm is covered in blood but I just go deeper

I can hear all the things they say clear as day.

Fat

Ugly

Worthless

Stupid

Loser

Talent-less

The world would be better off without me.

17 cuts

I feel nothing anymore.

I lost my will to live.

20 cuts

I switch to my other arm, going deeper than ever before.

The blood splatters on the white tile floor. I think it's kind of poetic, like rose petals on snow.  The petals are beautiful but they've been torn off and left to die in the cold. Abandoned once they've served their purpose, kind of like me.

24 cuts

The drops soon become a small puddle and I sing softly to myself.

_Hush little baby, you're almost dead_

_You don't have a pulse and your pillow is red_

I switch to my stomach

27 cuts

_Your family hates you; your friends let you bleed_

_Sleep tight with a knife, cause' that's all you need_

Tears roll down my face and my voice breaks. I feel as though someone has gouged out everything inside me and in turn left nothing but debilitating sadness and an astounding emptiness.

29 cuts

I continue to sing.

_Rock-a-bye baby, broken and scarred_

_You didn't know life would be this hard_

Tremors begin to rock through me, my vision becomes blurry around the edge and I realize I cannot feel my hand anymore.

_Time to end the pain you hid so well_

30 cuts

_And now you'll come back baby_

32 cuts

_Back to hell_

I drift off with the last note whispering through the air.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own glee or any of its characters. I only own my blog on tumblr, (thegaywhocouldfly) (feel free to follow)  
> This is my first work and I would really appreciate if you guys would review and send me some feedback. Maybe it will convince me to write more.


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